Posted by: shekinahp | March 31, 2010
The Scars of Spiritual Abuse
I’d like to share with this growing group of readers the scars Spiritual Abuse left in me and forgive me my bad grammar and spelling errors.
Spiritual Abuse is when you go to bed at night and want to communicate with God, and the only thing you see is Grant Clarke’s face laughing at you for having been so naive.
Spiritual Abuse is that great emptiness and void you feel day and night because there is no God, or if there is one, he was represented by Grant and Gregg and Jane.
Spiritual Abuse is when everything you hear and read that has any mention to the words spirit, angel, God, Jesus, makes you shake and want to cry and scream.
Spiritual Abuse is when you see a man driving an expensive car and you wonder if he got it with honest work or by stealing the donations of his good friends.
Spiritual Abuse is when you can’t tell your son that he has a purpose, because you don’t know it anymore, because the purpose we were told we came here for, is a lie, is a lie!
Spiritual Abuse is when you look at the beauty of a flower and you feel God wanting to talk to you and you keep Him out, far, for fear of being deceived again!
Spiritual Abuse is not being able to talk to your son about who God is, how he can connect with Him, how he can pray, because you no longer believe.
What are your scars? How has this affected you emotionally, spiritually, physically?
Posted in Bible, Child Labor, Cult, Cult Information, Indoctrination, Love Bombing, Mind Control Techniques, Personal Account, Spiritual Abuse, The Lies We Learned | Tags: Coercive Persuasion, Cult, Cult Groups, Cult Leader, Dahlonega Georgia, Deerfield, Deerfield Estate, Energetix, God, Grant Clarke, Gregg Hake, Gregg Hake CEO, Gregory Hake, Institute of Applied Ontology, Jane Clarke, Jesus Christ, Lord, MST, Spiritual Abuse
Missing Deerfield, MST, IAO and OCR 
Another scar after all of the Spiritual Abuse for me is the fact that I still feel guilty for trying to have a better life, or even ashamed for thinking about my own happiness and goals.
The leaders used quite a few guilt trips everytime we mentioned what we really wanted to do in life, or where we really wanted to live (like near our families, duh!)
It is still difficult to stand tall, to speak out and to have self-respect. That’s why so many others don’t want to talk or share their experiences, but to rather try to live in the “present moment.” That is like having a serious bleeding wound in one arm and instead of healing it, just think of how healthy the other arm is.
Shame and guilt are very big scars! We just need to remember that we are NOT guilty for what happened to us at Deerfield, Energetix, SGS and all of the OCR Companies.
By: Former slave on March 31, 2010
at 4:19 am
I just came across your site and haven’t had a chance to read anything other than today’s posting, but I felt compelled to respond. My husband and I came out of a Bible-based, spiritually abusive group (I call it a cult) about ten years ago. The healing process has been slow, but we managed to hang on to God (or rather, He hung on to us). We facilitate a support group in Dallas, TX for folks who have been in spiritually abusive or cultic groups. Visit my website for some good articles and more information.
Keep writing and talking about your experience. It is therapeutic!
By: Wendy J. Duncan on March 31, 2010
at 1:02 pm
Can you post the name of the website, I’d love to see it.
By: Healing Slowly on April 11, 2011
at 8:25 pm
I would guess the website is dallascult.com. If you click on her name, that is the website it will go to.
By: The Corporate Executive on April 20, 2011
at 4:41 pm
Yes, our website is http://www.dallascult.com. If you are interested in the support group, contact me at info@dallascult.com
By: Wendy J. Duncan on April 21, 2011
at 2:59 am
I found reframing the Christian canonical texts as mythology, and reading them in the context of the body of work of Middle Eastern literature that was extant at the time, is what helped me get past that feeling of sick dread, every time I chanced upon (or was dragged into) a Bible discussion. (More likely than not, since a lot of the ex-members from my group have “gone Christian” or I guess “gone native” would be the appropriate term LOL.)
“when you look at the beauty of a flower and you feel God wanting to talk to you and you keep Him out, far, for fear of being deceived again!”
You can appreciate the beauty of nature, as a thing in itself, without the “god-baggage” attached. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s taking too long, or not taking long enough. It can take years to get over cultic involvement, if one can actually “get over it” at all! I know most exit counseling places advise (the good ones do at any rate) taking a break from ALL religion, for however long you need, until you feel emotionally ready to re-evaluate whether or not religion has a place in your life, and the lives of your family.
As for your son, raise him as a Freethinker! And you already have tons of experience in teaching him about/how to avoid cults!
Hope this helps, and that you are able to find some peace, even if only for a moment, without the “big questions” getting in the way. 🙂
By: purplehymnal on March 31, 2010
at 9:11 pm
I left the Ministry 4 years ago and it is getting a little easier to reconnect with God again. partially because I was on this journey long before I met Grant Clarke, Jane Clarke, and Gregg Hake. However it is still very difficult to ever imagine have the depth of connection I experienced while living at Deerfield. I see how absolutely abusive it was for Grant Clarke to lead us through the Seven Steps to the Temple of Light by URANDA, not once but twice in the final year of 2005. I say the final year because as I see it that is when they had chosen to make the exodus from MST to just saving the businesses. I see how they used the 7 Steps to open our hearts and become so vulnerable that anything we had been holding onto materially we would let go of to them to help finance there lives in their new paradigm. It was such a sick and manipulative plan, this was and is the most horrible crime they committed to expose each one so deeply and to rip the chords of connection with precise and definite intention. That is what sickens me to the core of my being about these persons and not to God as God had nothing to do with this. This is what I have to remind myself of daily and the best lesson I learned was to only follow God as my leader and never again a man or woman….. This is an individual journey only to be shared with others whom are in agreement to let only God be their Guide…..thank you Grant and Gregg for being such great examples of what not to follow in this life and letting us feel to the core of our beings the repulsion of letting oneself follow so false a prophet. I hope each of you Grant, Jane, Gregg, Chuck, Claudia, Erich, and all of the sheep who still follow you think of all of the beautiful Beings whom you shared many amazing experiences with
and how you all shared in the crucifying of their spiritual lambs…their connections to source/GOD/LOVE… for this is your punishment in this lifetime to never be separated from the pain and abuse inflicted on each of your onetime friends. The reality is that we are all one and you too were crucified on that day!!! Remember when your head hits the pillow think of each one whom you have destroyed as a result of your choices…. SWEET DREAMS !!!
By: Rick Barraza on April 1, 2010
at 6:25 pm
According to David Clohessy, national director of St. Louis-based Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests:
VIRTUALLY EVERY ABUSE VICTIM FEELS ALONE, BUT NO VICTIM FEELS MORE ALONE THAN SOMEBODY ABUSED BY A RELIGIOUS FIGURE. THE MOST UNIVERSAL SOURCE OF COMFORT AND SOLACE IN PAINFUL TIMES IS GOD. BUT IF GOD IS PERCEIVED TO BE AN INTEGRAL PART OF ONE’S ABUSE AND COVER-UP VICTIMS ARE LEFT WITH VIRTUALLY NOWHERE TO TURN
By: Egtx Practitioner on April 1, 2010
at 10:23 pm
Wow.
By: 365daysinthisbeautifullife on April 20, 2010
at 2:53 am