Posted by: exmstmember2009 | April 2, 2010

The first sign of recovery from a cult

A very good friend of mine, an honest person with integrity still heavily involved and invested with the MST Inc group asked me why we are using this blog to express so much “hate” against the alleged cult leaders Grant Clarke, Jane Clarke and Gregg Hake for what we experienced as members of MST Inc during almost a decade.  He used to live at the Deerfield compound and like many of us worked like crazy for MST Inc and the associated companies for years.  I think is it a fair question coming from someone that it is in the same position I was until November 2008, one who is either absolutely blind and oblivious to what is really going on here or, due to his strong involvement, is just in denial.  At any rate, it is a fair question, so here is my answer to you my friend.  I am going to use a passage from a book that I highly recommend.  I know if book like this was presented to me before November 2008, I wouldn’t even consider opening it.

The book is call “Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relantionships” by Dr Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias.

Just as fear is the backbone of cultic control, anger is the fuel of recovery

The emergence of anger is one of the first signs of recovery. Anger is a normal and healthy reaction to the hurt and assaults that you experienced. Anger is the most appropriate response to the abuse and manipulations of the cult. It is also the hardest emotion for some ex-members to get in touch with and deal with. If you feel angry, it means you are now ready to acknowledge that you were victimized, which can be incredibly painful. What was done was heinous–and you are entitled to your rage.

Just as fear is the backbone of mind control, anger is the fuel of recovery. Anger is an extremely valuable tool in healing. It fortifies your sense of what is right by condemning the wrong that was done to you. It gives you the energy and will to get through the ordeal of getting your life back together. Suppression of anger while in the cult contributed to depression and a sense of helplessness.

To be used effectively, anger must be focused on its source–primarily the cult leader. Remember that your anger may be hard for family, friends, and sometimes even therapists to accept. You may be urged to forgive and forget. Ex-members who have been brought up to hide or deny negative feelings may not have the tools or experience to know how to express this potentially healing emotion.

Former cult members “need to realize that what was done to them was wrong ,” writes Michael Langone. “[They] must be allowed – encouraged even – to express appropriate moral outrage. The outrage will not magically eliminate the abuse and its effects. Nor will it necessarily bring the victimizer to justice. But it will enable victims to assert their inner worth and their sense of right and wrong by condemning the evil done to them. Moral outrage fortifies good against formidable evil. Even implicitly denying victims’ need to express moral outrage shifts blame from victimizers to victims.”

The article continues with a list of exercises to help former cult members and here is  the first one  that I found particularly useful:

Keep a diary and write about your anger and other strong feelings. Former cult members have consistently said that writing about their experience has been one of the most helpful vehicles for working through their feelings of betrayal and abuse.”

Our diary happens to have the form of a blog but is the same principle.

Finally, my friend, I know you don’t read anything else outside of MST Inc, Grant or Gregg’s materials, but I ask you to open your mind to other material such as this book.  Here is one final question for you: why “suddenly” after 3 years since the process of dismantling MST Inc, have more than 30 (out of 70) former members expressed to me  in one way or another, via this blog or in other forms, very vocal or in confidence, their moral outrage about the Deerfield experience? Just think about that.

I know that you are very interested in keeping this blog very quiet and don’t want to talk much about what happened at the Deerfield compound during 200o to 2006, but remember:

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” MLK



  1. I guess this person and “Judy” are not in sync with each other. “Judy” has a solid grasp on what it is like to be hateful.

  2. What would a person do if they saw somebody committing a crime? Just close their eyes, forgive and keep walking? Where does integrity fit?

    To forgive doesn’t mean we never acknowledge the crimes of the past.

    To forgive doesn’t mean to not care about the victims that are still following immoral people. They are in a hypnotic state and we DO care for them!

    To forgive doesn’t mean to let these narcissist cult leaders continue to do what they have done to other innocent people.

    I cannot tolerate any more evil happening under my nose while feeling powerless!

    On the other hand, I have friends (or ex-friends) that are still loyal to the cult in Dahlonega, GA. They are actually more aware about what’s going on and about what happened than what I thought they were, and yet – out of fear, shame or even greed- they decide to bury their heads in the sand. They just judge [or are told to judge] those of us who react to what happened. I feel for them. It’s so sad to see how lost and confused some people still are. We really have a job to do!

    BTW, this ‘Judy’ person sounds familiar. I think I lived with him and 7 more people in one of the homes owned by Jane Clarke (remember J.?)

    • To all the people taken advantage of by the Wizards of Oz, (Grant Clarke and Gregg Hake). I think that it is perfectly okay to use this vehicle to vent and to tell the truth about your account of what has happened. If we just sit back and let this one go then you can GUARANTEE that they will begin this again somewhere else. All of the men that called themselves leaders are nothing but little insecure losers that would rather use other people to generate money than to use their supposed intelligence to create a life that works. Or to create the money to satisfy their greedy wants, needs, and desires. I am sure you all know that even Hitler and Jim Jones were alright guys in the beginning. Somewhere along the lines they decided that they had the right to manipulate and control others for the purpse of moving themselves and those hideous Golddiggers they call their wives, forward.
      Just for the record you horrid users, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings. And, just so that you know I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you never ever have the opportunity to steal and use people ever again.
      One of the saddest things for me personally is this was probably the one time in my life that I felt that I truly had a chance to walk in the garden with the Lord. I thought with all the sham and drudgery in the world that there really was a God out there. Little did I know. Now I am more angry and revengeful than ever. You could say that I am on a mission.
      YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE TO SCAM ANOTHER VICTIM AGAIN WITH YOUR LIES, ESPECIALLY ABOUT GOD. I make it my business to know where you are and what you are doing. And, when I smell a rat, I will be putting out a rat trap. I know many of you that are still following those morons and your golddigging ways got you where you are. You are just as awful. I don’t believe for one minute that any of you women involved with those jerks don’t know exactly what is going on. But as long as you have your Prada, fake boobs, Versace outfits, and Jaguars, you are just as guilty.
      One more thing, smarty pants, if you were that smart we wouldnt be rattling your cages. Get use to them. You might just find yourselves behind bars before it is all said and done. Lots of cute guys in prison, Grant and Gregg.

  3. On this day and very special night, let’s take some comfort here in the arms of the angel as we mark this historic juncture…
    We heard these words expressed many times by Grant and others and heard their spin, and I know as a survivor of spiritual abuse, it can be difficult to read something that triggers other memories. However, as we all search for our reconnection back to what is REALLY TRUE, perhaps we can take this moment to read these words and find comfort there – to connect back to the true essence of these words. LOOK BEYOND THE LIES AND REMEMBER THE TRUTH THAT IS WITHIN YOU…

    John 14:
    Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
    And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
    And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
    Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
    Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
    If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
    Philip saith unto him, Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
    Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father?
    Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
    Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works’ sake.
    Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
    And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
    If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
    If ye love me, keep my commandments.
    And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
    Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
    I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
    Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
    At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.
    He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
    Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
    Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
    He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father’s which sent me.
    These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
    But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

    Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

    Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
    And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.

    Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh and hath nothing in me,
    But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do.
    ……Arise, let us go hence.

    • This is a great invitation to move on, thanks so much!

    • Thank you, Defense. A sane and loving voice in an insane and unloving world. Blessings to you! You are the angel!

  4. I just wrote about this on my blog.
    I still have a hard time feeling anger toward the Tony Alamo.

    • That is so touching. We will always have ups and downs. We will try to move on, we will move on, but in the background the scars of the trauma will always be there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: